When Zlatan Ibrahimovic made his big money move to PSG as part of the Qatari-owned Ligue 1 side’s big-money project, it seemed like a given that Zlatan (or his people) would set up a French website for the Swedish superstar, using the top-level domain for France, .fr. It was that thinking that led to one PSG fan purchasing “Zlatan.fr” in the hopes that he could leverage the domain into something of value from the world’s greatest footballer/taekwondo practitioner. Not money, though. Zlatan’s opportunistic fan is interested in things a bit more créatif.
The way the nameless fan tells it, he was really just doing Zlatan a favor when he registered Zlatan.fr. He didn’t want some shameless profiteer to swoop in and hoover up the domain, holding Zlatan ransom for the rights to the site if and when Zlatan was ready to use it.
And since he’s such a good guy ”and a big PSG fan ”the squatter will be happy to turn over the name in exchange for one of the several options, which he calls “challenges.”
Zlatan’s options are as follows, with our own guesstimation as to the likelihood Zlatan would choose them if Zlatan was the type to abide by extortion (he’s not).
– offer me a dedicated PSG jersey, with my name on it and the following quote: After Zlatan, you really are the best!
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
Zlatan does not use exclamation marks, as it is beneath Zlatan.
– stay at my place for a month. This way, all my life, I could say Ibra? Sure, he used to sleep on my couch for a while.
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
Zlatan sleep on a couch? Only if it has been custom-made for Zlatan’s sleeping needs and will be immediately burned after use in homage to the great man. And since Zlatan’s personal couch-maker, the only man he would trust to craft such a couch, is dead, it cannot happen.
– offer me 3-lifetime season tickets for two of my friends and me. I’m talking about Official tribune tickets don’t try to fool me with your crappy H Blue Tribune tickets¦
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
Tickets from Zlatan are like a gift handed down from Olympus; unless the website squatter can bring Zlatan the fleece of the golden ram (which would make for a fine couch material), Zlatan cannot bestow such an honor.
– win penalty kicks against me, at the Parc des Princes, of course, so that you’re at home and have no excuse in case I win.
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
Zlatan does not need to be given the ability to have an excuse. Zlatan would win in penalties anywhere, but since the squatter has insulted Zlatan, Zlatan will not accept the penalty challenge.
– beat me at Taekwondo. I’ve heard you’re not too bad at it. As I’ve never practiced that sport myself, I recommend you to choose this challenge.
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
Zlatan does not wish to kill anyone. Today.
– give me one of your hair locks as a gift. Samson’s strength came from his long hair. I think it works the same way with you. Then, I can make a key ring with it, bringing me power for the rest of my life.
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
Zlatan likes the comparison to Sampson but is grossed out by the proposition.
– they beat me at FIFA13. You can choose the teams, but, anyway, trust me, there is no way you can make it.
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
Unless Zlatan can play with a team of Zlatans. Then, maybe.
– score a more-than-30-meter-backflip-goal in an official game. Just kidding…, this is not realistic.
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
This is a funny joke. Zlatan scores 30-meter backflip goals when Zlatan wants to and not at any other time.
– let me slap you in the face without saying a word and in public obviously.
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
Seriously? This one doesn’t even need explaining.
– offer a bare-chested dedicated photo of you to my girlfriend. Frankly, among all those challenges, I must confess its not my favorite. Im getting fed up to see twinkles in her eyes when you take off your jersey at the end of a game.
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
Zlatan will simply have the girlfriend.
– manage to have Neymar sign at PSG during the 2013 summer mercato.
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
Why does PSG need Neymar when they have Zlatan?
– simply ask me to let you have this domain name for free but face to face and as a tribute to Guillaume in French obviously.
Likelihood Zlatan agrees to this challenge: 0%
Who is Guillaume?
–
Sorry, nameless French website squatter guy, but I think you’re out of luck here. It’s difficult to see Zlatan agreeing to take on any of your challenges, especially since he doesn’t have a personal website in any country’s domain code. There’s the “I Am Zlatan” site for the book and iTunes app, which is really all Zlatan needs.
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